A/S/L – Beta Testing Tony

I saw this AOL throwback on twitter and it actually got me in the mood to write something. After writing it, I realize how ultimately depressing it seems and that was so not my intention. So while there are many negatives list below please know that I’m staying positive and keeping my head up. Here’s the breakdown;

Age – I turn 30 this year, yet I don’t feel like that much time has past since I turned 21. But then it hit me, I came across one of my little cousins Facebook page. I distinctly remember going to one of his an his twin sister’s 6th or 7th birthday parties as a kid. He’s in his twenties now, in college and pledged Phi Beta Sigma. Feels like everyone is growing up but me. I’m still sitting around reading comics, watching Spongebob and playing video games while everyone else is living, getting careers being ADULTS.

Sex – There’s no denying that I’m definitely a male but I haven’t really felt like a man recently. This partially ties back to the age section, but seems like instead of manning up to life, I’m still just a boy. No job, no family and sometimes I’m barely holding on. I see my younger brother and how he holds his little girl and cry because I don’t have that. Again, I’m almost 30 and I don’t have the house, the car, the family or achieve any of the goals I said I wanted when I was younger. I’m failing to step up to the plate and feel less of a man because of it.

Location – I make it no secret that I live in the hood and at first it really didn’t bother me. I grew up in the inner-city, the high-rise low-income housing, subject of the lower middle class. But lately this place has been really rubbing me the wrong way from the couple getting high in the building hallway outside my apartment door, smoking God knows what in front of their very young children to the random people approaching me on the street asking if I want to buy loose cigarettes to buying weed. I won’t even get into the very long battle I had with a bed bug infestation and a non-medicated schizophrenic neighbor who kept knocking on my door at 5am. A Place that was once ideal because of its low rent and access to public transportation, is now a personal hell.

Will all that being said… I accepted the things I can’t change in life and actively working on the things I can. I accept that I am turning 30 this year and its okay for me still read comics. I’m okay as long I don’t start writing fan-fic. And I know that my I won’t be unemployed for much longer. I put my resume out several times a week. I’m highly skilled, competent and confident that something will come along. And while I can’t afford to move right away, I have taken some steps to make my environment a little better. So while my A/S/L may not be optimal right now… By the time I am 30 things will be better