Still Having Issues

Other then the fact that I’ve been out for the count because of this damn bug I got, or whatever the fuck it is. All I know is that I was sick as hell and couldn’t do shit for 2 days. I even missed work on Monday. Anyway I didn’t plan on getting to “I Got Issues pt 3” this week or ever. I’ve been going into my sexual habits to often, if such a thing is possible, and I’m not feeling too keen about it. At this point I’m not sure if its the disclosure that fucking with me or the actually sex itself. All I know is that things are pretty stagnant and I’m getting this antsy feeling, like I’m anticipating something big to happen and all I get is the cold air of the office air conditioner on my neck. Hell, I can’t really explain it or understand it myself.

This place (work) is starting to get to me again. Night after night, I sit at this desk, in this cold ass box, counting the hours. As I sit here, my minds starts drifting off and I start the analytical/thinking shit that we Virgos are notorious for, but I think its literally just me. And the outcome is usually the same: I questioning my intentions as a human, as a man, as a black man, as a gay man, as a gay black man and as a gay black man who secretly (well not anymore) wants to be straight. Again its pretty difficult to explain, let alone understand.

I’m definitely lacking significant guidance in my life and at some point I made a wrong turn and I think I’m lost.

Since the hypothermia is setting in I don’t think I’m thinking straight and I’ve been pretty incoherent in this post. This isn’t a “I Got Issues part 3” but just a reiteration of my own bullshit, a cold-induced rambling.

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