4th Grade Ass-Whuppin’

Since my accident I’ve been fortuante enought ot retain alot of my memories. The good ones and bad ones. And talking with one of my peeps bout elementry school, the 80’s and ass-whuppin’s, I had this flashback of when I was in the fourth grade.

Back in the day I went to Charles R. Drew Elementry off of 38th and Powell just north of University of Pennsylvania and back then I had the worst teacher ever. Her name was Mrs. Berg. She wasn’t mean or anything like that, Mrs. Berg just didn’t give a fuck. She never taught us anything, there were no lessen plans, no assignments, no of that education shit. All she did was take roll, shit up at her desk and have the ossacional test. Her biggest issue, she couldn’t tell none of us apart. Bitch forever called me James and shit when the nigga James was five shades lighter then me. But enough bout her. Since Mrs. Berg didnt give a fuck bout the class, why would the students give a fuck. Only 2 muh fuckas in the class did anything was these two girl from Africa. I don’t remember which country or what the fuck their names were, but for the sake of story I’mma call them Umm Fu Fu 1 and Umm Fu Fu 2.

Now one day, my moms came to pick me up from school early. Like right after recess early, cuz I think I was faking to be sick or some shit. So momz decided that since she was at my school, she would ask bout my grades and shit. Immediately I thought she was trying to catch me in some shit cuz 1. I never broght shit some for homework and 2. she never saw any of my test, so moms was suspicous. So she gets to my class and in front of everybody asks Mrs. Berg how was my grades. And since Mrs. Berg didn’t give a fuck she gave them out right there: “James, I mean Anthony is a solid C student…” My eyes got so fucking big cuz I didn’t a C in her class or any grade school class. But moms played it cool for a minute, and aksed bout homework. Now everyone in the class is saything that either we dont get homework or we doing in class b4 e go home since it was so easy. But here come Umm Fu Fu 1 and her big mouth saying “We get homework everynight” and proceeded to pull out her Trapper Keeper with evidence of notes and assignments. If I ain’t never wanted to beat the shit outta someone so bad until that point and time. Umm Fu Fu 1 goes to show here the homework assignment that was due that day. And of course being the momz she was, momz asked to see mine homework and in true fashion, all I had was a empty binder. All my boys were coming to my defense and shit, saying this and saying that, but mos kept her cool, told me to get my bag and said that we were leaving.

As soon as we stepped outside did my moms grab me by the arm and say, “As soon as we get to the house, I’mma beat ya ass. 1 for lying bout school and 2 for not doing your work.” And it wasn’t like she drove to my school and we were bout to drive back. We was some walking folks and the 8 block walk down 38th street was not cute. Momz going down the street with her “Imma beat ya ass stroll” and me laggin 15 feet behind and every 2 minutes she’s yelling “You better walk the hell up here cuz u ain’t getting outta this beating!” And by the time we got home, somethng happened. I don’t know what but I didn’t get that beating when we got there. So I had some time to think to tey and get outta this shit but mostly I was worrying my ass off. So 5 hours later, right after dinner I was back in my room and moms came in. Im her hand was not a belt but a brown extension cord. She wailed on my black for a good, solid 10 minutes. It did some crazy ass cartoon shit where I was running around the room screaming at the top of my lungs, trying to block the whuppin with one hand while my momz grabbed on my other arm.

And after it was all done, the one thing I could think about was plottin on Umm Fu Fu 1 and Umm Fu Fu 2.


this was funny. i can see u pouting down the street.

yeah, you know when she said “wait till we get home” it was gonna be some serious swangin and bangin goin on and she didn’t want any witnesses, lol.

Leave a Comment