I Miss Him

Picture 1 | Picture 2 | Picture 3 | Picture 4

So I was going through all my stuff this weekend, just to get a sense of what I do and don’t have anymore. Doing so, I came across an old backed up files CD I made before I switched to Mac. I smiled at I went through the contents but I was sadden as well. I had dozens and dozens of self-pictures before my accident, before the weight gain, before I left Purdue. I looked at myself and realized that I’m not the same person I was in those pictures and no matter what I do, he isn’t coming back.


I see you didn’t smile much back then either. I used to look at pics of my old self and yearn for the days of past, but then I remember – when I was younger, 165lbs, 32 inch waist… blah blah blah (yes, its true LOL) – – I was not satisfied with me then.

Ironically, I have learned to love the me now more then I every loved the me then, and in doing that, those around me can feel my self love and learn to love me for who I am now.. the others can “kick rocks” to quote nOva. Now that does not mean that I won’t strive to make improvements, especially those that are related to health issues, but for the most part, be happy with the Tony today…

If I was single and dating . . and given a choice, I’d try and get at the today Tony vs. the past Tony 😉

So don’t be sad is all I’m trying to say.

my brother……you are perfect the way you are. be the beautiful you that only you can be 🙂 kappa luv 😉

I agree with you, that person will never be back. And maybe you don’t miss the old you–as much as you miss certain parts of the old you. Because surely you have parts about you that have improved with time (i.e. I am sure that you are wiser and more focused). Maybe you can strive to get the more positive elements from your old self and integrate them with your current self. If the weight gain is an issue for you–why not seriously think about losing some.

it does a lot for self-confidence. as someone who struggles with weight, I know how crazy it can be. but when I was about your age and I blew up to 235 pounds I remember looking at old pics wondering what happened.

It’s something to think about.

It’s not so much a body image issue but a innocense lost kinda thing. I guess I shouldn’t have watched ‘Little Darlings’ last night.

ummmmmm, i like your other friend said, i guess u never did smile. I can honestly say that you are truly a well rounded man Tony, and i know that i am your lil brother and i am supposed to say things like that, but i look up to u, regardless of ur weight, the accident, age, or personal choices that you make. Im proud to say that TONY IS MY BIG BROTHER.



Don’t feel bad Tony. I don’t smile in my pics either. As for the weight gain, you’ve just got that much more to love now. 😉 But I completely agree with Prime, love yourself and the rest will follow. If we look at or judge ourselves through the superficial lens of the world, a person would never be happy with themselves. “Happiness comes from within, not with-out.”


Must be great to have people who’ll say nice things no matter what. I prefer to keep it real at all costs. We know the weight is as much as any other aspect and I know I just told you the same thing a couple weeks ago….back when you were normal size. You weren’t nearly the asshole you’ve become back then either.

First off Maurio, you ain’t ‘keeping it real’ if you’re using a fake email address. Second stop hating on me cuz I got people who love and care about me. Third, if you think I’m an asshole now then you really didn’t know me back then and fourth, I thought I asked you to keep your unsolicited hateful ass, snide remarks to yourself.

Don’t get down on yourself. I truly believe that things happen exactly as the’re meant to. The person that you were back then- he brought you to this point in your life. And the person you are right now (who incidentally, seems like a really great guy) will be the one to take you to the next level.

Please believe that who you are right now is exactly who you’re supposed to be.

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