Just Don’t Know

Life is funny sometimes, I’ve always complained bout not getting enough time to sit down and enjoy my life, to sleep and rest, to be healthy. I almost lost all that and realize that I need to recuperate so I be ready to get want I need done. But I don’t think that gonna happen. Its been almost a week since my accident and I’m due to have my stitches out tomorrow, But I’ve done so much and I don’t think that been weel enough to do it all.

On Monday I saw a really bad doctor, I mean like “Dr. Nick” on the Simpsons bad. Now, I’ve already seen my doctor and I have a specialist too, a neurologist. But my job said that I had to see this doctor, pretty much negating anything and everything my other two doctors have said and done. First I have to wait about 2 hours to see him, 2 hours and he only spent 5 minutes with me. I told what my other doctors said and all I get is a “Uh-huh” I ask him about my eyes getting real swollen 2 days after the fact. I asked him bout my fractured skull and he brushes me off. The only thing helpful was that he gave me new bandages which I had to ask for. He was trying to get just to wear a hat and not worry bout getting dirt or anything in my wounds. He seemed so annoying that I asked for anything. He wrapped my bandages too tight, so tight I could barely blink. I had to sneak to the restroom to unwrap it all and redo it. And to top it off the fool hit me in my head, I haven’t had headaches that bad until he did that.

Now the headaches won’t stop, I’m on Tylenol 3, taking a bunch a day and he sent me back to work on Tuesday. I know I’m not a doctor nor do I know medicine but the last thing anyone with a fractured skull should be doing 3 days after the accident is working. But now I have no choice, since he cleared me to work, and told my job of this, I have to go or I’m fired. Indiana law for ya. So I’ve been neglecting my health for money and I feel so cheap and hoe-like becuase of it. I resent my job and I sit here wondering way can’t I seek justice.

I don’t know if I can ever go back to the way I was before. I finally stop seeing the accident in my head. I was at a point were I wouldnt close my eyes unless I was asleep. But now I don’t think I could go to that place where the accident happened. I think that I’m afraid on it. I know it sounds silly and shit but when I think about the machine I think that “this thing almost killed me” and how can I function right around that?