Currently on a path to a new and better Tony. Newly single, starting to see the results of my “New Workout Plan,” and I’m starting to feel happy again.

A federal judge in San Francisco decided today that gays and lesbians have a constitutional right to marry, striking down Proposition 8, the voter approved ballot measure that banned same-sex unions. LA TIMES

Within life, I tried to examine myself in an effort of self discovery and self improvement. Lately I’ve been forced to sit down and look at all my flaws, both internal and external, mental and physical. With this great introspection, I realize that I may never be the person I want to be mostly because I setting a standard base on the perceptions and ideals of other people and not my own. I was never happy because I don’t have the six pack or I didn’t have the abundance of wealth and I’m not saying that something like that would never happen but I spent my life worried about what I don’t have and instead of what I do have.

It’s twenty ten and I’m focusing on the positives of my life. Why dwell on not being able to find work? I’m steady on find a job and I’m still able to pay bills. Why stress on the fact I’m dating someone who is not trying to give me any sex? I have someone who genuinely loves me. It’s a new year and a new day and I going to act accordingly.

Been trying to keep myself busy, spent a good amount of time redoing my resume and a few cover letters and sending them out to a few dozen places. I even had an interview last week, haven’t heard anything back but I’m trying to be optimistic.

Beside the job hunting, been getting more use to my Xbox 360 and playing Halo 3 a lot more. I’m actually to a point where I starting to play online a little and shopping around from a Halo clan. So if you play Halo 3 and want to play a campaign together, my gamer tag is PhllyBred drop me a line. Also trying to be more social, since commuting out to East Bumblefuck everyday took so muck of my free time, I missed a lot of the happenings in Chicago. So now, I’m been seeing a lot of movies and signed up for a social gatherings. A few of them hosted by CNSC.

On the relationship front, me and the S.O. are still hanging in there. We still have the occasional spats but its been 18 months and we’re still together.

So as I mentioned before, with all this free time, I’m definitely trying to experience life so I can post about it. Hopefully I’m doing much better then I did before.

I’ve made it no secret that in the recent past I really didn’t believe in myself. I was never the right complexion, never the right size or weight, never had the right background. I always second guessing my actions, my decisions and I was never really happy. Unfortunately for me to get over the 10 year long pity party I was throwing myself I had to hit bottom and let me tell you that sucked giant gorilla balls. It had to take me cracking my skull open to realize that I wasn’t living the best I could.  I say all of this because I don’t want other’s to go through. It’s wasn’t easy and the job to making myself better and happy isn’t done, but I know that I’m on my way there.