Reminiscing
Wednesday, January 12th, 2005
by Tony
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Been thinking bout some shit lately, like what I planned to do with my life and life up to now. I guess I’ve come a long way from the shy little boy who always played by himself at the West Philadelphia Community Center. I remember being teased a lot, I remember crying a lot, I remember the all the fights I got in, being call “Anthony Gay” and hearing my moms fucking in the next room at night.
I don’t remember my parents ever being together, the year the lived in South Jersey right after I was born,. My first time I met my father was when he came to Mantua Hall Projects to pick me up for the weekend. Something that continue up until the 8th grade, staying with moms during the week and my dad on weekends. Forces a duality and when you’re only 5 or 6 and duality isn’t good because it makes you different. As I grew older I adjusted to have two sides, except when they came into conflict. As being the only child with my mom, I got more attention with her. I was her baby, her number one. My dad had other kids beside me. I had a sister, whom I was told that I met at the Sears in Upper Darby, 5 months younger then me and I only know that her name is Dawn. Her mother didn’t want my father around and only wanted a check, I think my pop is very torn over that. I have a brother as well, Jack Jr. He was lavished with attention when he was born, it made me feel unwanted and I started to distance myself. Thus I was shy, and often played by myself.
Certain things happen in your life that shape who you are today. I don’t know how true that is, but it seems to make sense. I didn’t any older brothers, and technically I was the oldest grandchild so I didn’t have anyone to look up to, emulate or follow, to keep me on the straight and narrow. I had a cousin by marriage, one of my uncle’s step-son. He was a few years older than me, by how much I forget. Honestly I don’t remember how it started, when it started or why I let it go on. I do remember it going from playing wrestling, to him touching me in my sleep to him saying Let me stick it between your legs. It went on and progressed until I was fourteen. The last time, he fucked me on my grandmother’s dinning room floor and came in my ass. It was the first time I’ve been penetrated. It hurt, it was painful I was sore for days. Needless to say I was a little fucked in the head after years of that. He took me at an age where I didn’t know any better, I hated him for doing that to me. I’m still coping from all of that, I have serious issues with affection and seriously don’t like being touched sometimes.
I left Philly to find myself. At first I didn’t think I made the right choice. I just graduated from high school and two days later I’m in Gary Indiana. Still shy I didn’t make friends the entire 6 months I stayed in there. I worked at a buffet restaurant as a dishwasher, when to school and lived with my mom and her husband, who was a complete dick. My refuge was the AOL chat rooms where a shy 17 year old kid from Philly could be something he’s not.
To Be Continued
Tuesday, December 14th, 2004
by Tony
Been having a serious brain fart all day today couldn’t really think of anything to say. Couldn’t even think of some random shit to just throw on here, but I did want to move that photo post from he weekend, but I digress.
Since I don’t have any current shit to drone on about I guess I’ll bored y’all with a ditty bout my first girlfriend and a first kiss. Actually that’s a lie cuz it wasn’t my first kiss (remember that game Catch a girl, Freak a girl) this is a story bout an unwanted girlfriend and an unwanted kiss. A Sucka-punch Kiss…
It was that magic time, circa 1993-4, the golden age of hip hop when muh fuckas use to watch the Box, Donnie Simpson and Video Soul was still on BET and Real Sex was only or 4 or 5. Well around this time I was 13-14 years old, and I had this “girlfriend” and I use the term “girlfriend” severely loosely. Because when u think bout someone who’s suppose to be your girlfriend or boyfriend at any age you would think it would be somebody you like. This was not the case in my situation.
Now, I’m not trying to be mean but this is how I felt then and still is true today. My girlfriend’s name Shannon and she was one of those ‘Round da Corner muh fuckas cuz they just show up one day outta the blue from around the corner. She was tall, thick and kinda ogre-ish like the Hulk but had nice set of matching titties and ass (she showed me)… especially for a 14 year old. The problem with Shannon was the fact that she was slow. Not retarded even though that question came up a lot, but slow enough that she rode the short bus to school. In a group of females, Shannon was the one that the other girls had to defend when someone called her “Frankenstein” or started making Herman Munster sounds.
Don’t ask how she got to be my girlfriend. At some point I remember my boy Isaiah trying to holla at her, just to see if she would give up some pussy. He got tired of her and somehow she’s with me. How the fuck did that happen? Anyway, so me and Shannon are suppose to be boyfriend and girlfriend, whatever that means when you’re 13. I was at the age where I was lying bout getting pussy from “the girl from the other school” which means I wasn’t doing anything other then jacking off. The girl has never been pass the threshold on my front door. Which was fine by me cuz besides the one time she showed me and Isaiah her bra, Shannon wasn’t really give up anything. This one time, I was up in my room with my best friend Isaiah and my brother Jack playing something on Sega Genesis. My parents had the habit of letting anyone who said they were my friend into the house to come see me. So me, Ike and Jack are getting into something Sonic the Hedgehog or something and this head pops into the doorway, Shannon’s big Hulk head. She looks at me, I look at Isaiah, he looks at my little brother and Little Jack looks back at both of us. Everyone pause but no one paused the game, so we died.
Shannon: Hi Fez
Me: How jud get in?
Shannon: Mr. Anthony let me in…
(Both Jack and Isaiah snickering)
Shannon: Can I come up?
Me: Yea, we’re just playin’ Sonic so just keep quiet.
Shannon: Hi Jack, Hi Isaiah
(Now jack is full out laughing)
Isaiah & Jack: Hi Shannon
When this happened, both me and Isaiah were sitting on the floor of my room while my little brother was jumping on my bed. We try to get back into the game as Shannon proceeded to sit on the floor right next to me. Me and Isaiah are into the game, and SMACK. She kissed me. I turned and looked at her like “WHAT THE FUCK!?!” Shannon didn’t say anything, I didn’t saying anything. Isaiah and didn’t see a thing so I had plausible deniability. I don’t know why I was pisses, was it cause I wasn’t expecting it or wasn’t it because I was just being a little asshole, either way Shannon had to go.
Fast forward to that night, when I made Shannon cry. I didn’t want to her boyfriend. The reason why? Well not only was I get constantly getting asked “You’re Shannon’s boyfriend?” my parents started to tease me bout it so she had to be cut off. Was it a mean thing to do, sure but I was 13 and I have gotten my comeuppance.
Thursday, September 9th, 2004
by Tony
Since my accident I’ve been fortuante enought ot retain alot of my memories. The good ones and bad ones. And talking with one of my peeps bout elementry school, the 80′s and ass-whuppin’s, I had this flashback of when I was in the fourth grade.
Back in the day I went to Charles R. Drew Elementry off of 38th and Powell just north of University of Pennsylvania and back then I had the worst teacher ever. Her name was Mrs. Berg. She wasn’t mean or anything like that, Mrs. Berg just didn’t give a fuck. She never taught us anything, there were no lessen plans, no assignments, no of that education shit. All she did was take roll, shit up at her desk and have the ossacional test. Her biggest issue, she couldn’t tell none of us apart. Bitch forever called me James and shit when the nigga James was five shades lighter then me. But enough bout her. Since Mrs. Berg didnt give a fuck bout the class, why would the students give a fuck. Only 2 muh fuckas in the class did anything was these two girl from Africa. I don’t remember which country or what the fuck their names were, but for the sake of story I’mma call them Umm Fu Fu 1 and Umm Fu Fu 2.
Now one day, my moms came to pick me up from school early. Like right after recess early, cuz I think I was faking to be sick or some shit. So momz decided that since she was at my school, she would ask bout my grades and shit. Immediately I thought she was trying to catch me in some shit cuz 1. I never broght shit some for homework and 2. she never saw any of my test, so moms was suspicous. So she gets to my class and in front of everybody asks Mrs. Berg how was my grades. And since Mrs. Berg didn’t give a fuck she gave them out right there: “James, I mean Anthony is a solid C student…” My eyes got so fucking big cuz I didn’t a C in her class or any grade school class. But moms played it cool for a minute, and aksed bout homework. Now everyone in the class is saything that either we dont get homework or we doing in class b4 e go home since it was so easy. But here come Umm Fu Fu 1 and her big mouth saying “We get homework everynight” and proceeded to pull out her Trapper Keeper with evidence of notes and assignments. If I ain’t never wanted to beat the shit outta someone so bad until that point and time. Umm Fu Fu 1 goes to show here the homework assignment that was due that day. And of course being the momz she was, momz asked to see mine homework and in true fashion, all I had was a empty binder. All my boys were coming to my defense and shit, saying this and saying that, but mos kept her cool, told me to get my bag and said that we were leaving.
As soon as we stepped outside did my moms grab me by the arm and say, “As soon as we get to the house, I’mma beat ya ass. 1 for lying bout school and 2 for not doing your work.” And it wasn’t like she drove to my school and we were bout to drive back. We was some walking folks and the 8 block walk down 38th street was not cute. Momz going down the street with her “Imma beat ya ass stroll” and me laggin 15 feet behind and every 2 minutes she’s yelling “You better walk the hell up here cuz u ain’t getting outta this beating!” And by the time we got home, somethng happened. I don’t know what but I didn’t get that beating when we got there. So I had some time to think to tey and get outta this shit but mostly I was worrying my ass off. So 5 hours later, right after dinner I was back in my room and moms came in. Im her hand was not a belt but a brown extension cord. She wailed on my black for a good, solid 10 minutes. It did some crazy ass cartoon shit where I was running around the room screaming at the top of my lungs, trying to block the whuppin with one hand while my momz grabbed on my other arm.
And after it was all done, the one thing I could think about was plottin on Umm Fu Fu 1 and Umm Fu Fu 2.
Monday, July 12th, 2004
by Tony
Wednesday-7/12/2000
The start of another great day. Today is payday, and all my money is gone before I get my check. I have to do something about that. Every other week its the same situation: Wake up check my bank accounts and see how much I don’t have on go on with my day. its sucks working a dead end job like that. But it until I graduate and do what I really want to do. I really look forward to this weekend. I’m going to Ohio with D*****. Hopefully we get to have some quality time together.
I currently reaping the benefits of starting my web page. It seems that more then often, a lot of niggas be trying to hit me and shit. It’s all kinda of flattering but Its kinda hard to deal with. I never been the one to seek attention from others and now that’s all I getting. Am I encouraging the type of attention and do I deserve it?
I finally buckled down and registered a domain name this morning. http://www.afmbey.com It will probably be awhile before I have it completely up and running. Its my first major step to web design and programming. I think I got a little ripped off though, that should teach me to stop using Yahoo! but its all good. I put my car to the shop today also. I can believe what happen to it:
Back in May’99 some guy my Momz was seeing or talking to said he would replace the rotors and brake pads and my car. First of all it took him three weeks to actually get to my car, he did a half-ass job and reeked of something foul.
So Friday I drop a friend off at school and on the way back my brakes start to shreech. I confront my Momz and think I wore out new brake pads it turn out that he either did one or the other. My rotors or my pads. That was the start of a very bad week. T.G.I.W.
Monday, April 19th, 2004
by Tony
Over the weekend I’ve realized that I’m coming up on my 5 year anniversary. Its almost like a landmark cuz a nigga has been blogging since b4 blogging was in style, kinda like how I was dark-skinned b4 thick dark-skinned niggas were in style. Anyway, in a early celabration of my 5 years I’ll put up all my old posts. So enjoy…
** Links removed
