Currently on a path to a new and better Tony. Newly single, starting to see the results of my “New Workout Plan,” and I’m starting to feel happy again.

Age – I turn 30 this year, yet I don’t feel like that much time has past since I turned 21. But then it hit me, I came across one of my little cousins Facebook page. I distinctly remember going to one of his an his twin sister’s 6th or 7th birthday parties as a kid. He’s in his twenties now, in college and pledged Phi Beta Sigma. Feels like everyone is growing up but me. I’m still sitting around reading comics, watching Spongebob and playing video games while everyone else is living, getting careers being ADULTS.

Sex – There’s no denying that I’m definitely a male but I haven’t really felt like a man recently. This partially ties back to the age section, but seems like instead of manning up to life, I’m still just a boy. No job, no family and sometimes I’m barely holding on. I see my younger brother and how he holds his little girl and cry because I don’t have that. Again, I’m almost 30 and I don’t have the house, the car, the family or achieve any of the goals I said I wanted when I was younger. I’m failing to step up to the plate and feel less of a man because of it.

Location – I make it no secret that I live in the hood and at first it really didn’t bother me. I grew up in the inner-city, the high-rise low-income housing, subject of the lower middle class. But lately this place has been really rubbing me the wrong way from the couple getting high in the building hallway outside my apartment door, smoking God knows what in front of their very young children to the random people approaching me on the street asking if I want to buy loose cigarettes to buying weed. I won’t even get into the very long battle I had with a bed bug infestation and a non-medicated schizophrenic neighbor who kept knocking on my door at 5am. A Place that was once ideal because of its low rent and access to public transportation, is now a personal hell.

Will all that being said… I accepted the things I can’t change in life and actively working on the things I can. I accept that I am turning 30 this year and its okay for me still read comics. I’m okay as long I don’t start writing fan-fic. And I know that my I won’t be unemployed for much longer. I put my resume out several times a week. I’m highly skilled, competent and confident that something will come along. And while I can’t afford to move right away, I have taken some steps to make my environment a little better. So while my A/S/L may not be optimal right now… By the time I am 30 things will be better

Within life, I tried to examine myself in an effort of self discovery and self improvement. Lately I’ve been forced to sit down and look at all my flaws, both internal and external, mental and physical. With this great introspection, I realize that I may never be the person I want to be mostly because I setting a standard base on the perceptions and ideals of other people and not my own. I was never happy because I don’t have the six pack or I didn’t have the abundance of wealth and I’m not saying that something like that would never happen but I spent my life worried about what I don’t have and instead of what I do have.

It’s twenty ten and I’m focusing on the positives of my life. Why dwell on not being able to find work? I’m steady on find a job and I’m still able to pay bills. Why stress on the fact I’m dating someone who is not trying to give me any sex? I have someone who genuinely loves me. It’s a new year and a new day and I going to act accordingly.

I’ve been reading the RedEye’s ‘Going Public’ column for some time, and I’ve become pretty much fed up with the amount of whining that has come from the North Side CTA riders.

A majority of the complaints are about the most mundane and trivial things: Strollers during rush hours, not finding a seat on an express bus. Excuse me as I proceed to play the world’s smallest violin for you.

I’m a firm believer that anyone living north of Roosevelt cannot truly complain about the CTA until they witness the abhorrent treatment of the South Side community. The only east-west express is on Garfield, the operators are lazy and surly, and the buses are NEVER on time.

I can attest to the timeliness as I was just fired from my job because I was late. For more than a year I had to take the 79th Street bus to Cicero to make a connection with Pace.

I had to adjust my habits to give myself more than enough time to commute and the buses were still either late or ran slow and if I missed my connection, I had to wait an hour for the next Pace bus.

So with all the complaints I’ve seen from the North Side, at least you can say that the CTA didn’t cause you to lose your job.

To read more, click here.

Been trying to keep myself busy, spent a good amount of time redoing my resume and a few cover letters and sending them out to a few dozen places. I even had an interview last week, haven’t heard anything back but I’m trying to be optimistic.

Beside the job hunting, been getting more use to my Xbox 360 and playing Halo 3 a lot more. I’m actually to a point where I starting to play online a little and shopping around from a Halo clan. So if you play Halo 3 and want to play a campaign together, my gamer tag is PhllyBred drop me a line. Also trying to be more social, since commuting out to East Bumblefuck everyday took so muck of my free time, I missed a lot of the happenings in Chicago. So now, I’m been seeing a lot of movies and signed up for a social gatherings. A few of them hosted by CNSC.

On the relationship front, me and the S.O. are still hanging in there. We still have the occasional spats but its been 18 months and we’re still together.

So as I mentioned before, with all this free time, I’m definitely trying to experience life so I can post about it. Hopefully I’m doing much better then I did before.

Week after week, been praying and hoping that a little piece of archaic cellular technology would be delivered to what is suppose to be the most advance smart phone… But at last, like a Jewish child on Christmas, no abundance of gifts and joy, just dreidels and chocolate coins. (No offense to anyone of the Jewish faith, just a really bad analogy.)

<bitching>

AT&T promised mult-imedia message (MMS) and damn it, I want it. Of course after the buzz of having MMS dies down (like 2 hours) I’ll never use the feature again, but for a $100 cell phone bill AT&T needs to pony the hell up. Both AT&T and Apple need to stop ass-raping customers and provide the services promised or start issuing credits and refunds. Actually not only do I want be compensated at this point, I want a written apology from everyone involved with the iphone. From the lowly sales rep at my local AT&T store, the fake ass smiling people at the Apple Store (burning bridges again) all the way up to Steve Jobs and Randall Stephenson.

Oh and if iPhone tethering ends up costing more that $20 to the consumer, I’m going to do something very not nice.

</bitching>

HIM: put a ring on it huh
HIM: they converted ya…lol
ME: and who would be they?
HIM: sissies
HIM: da Beyonce crew
HIM:
ME: hmmmm
HIM: what u doing
ME: watching tv and trying to clean
ME: got clothes everywhere
HIM: ahh yes da sunday ritual
ME: I guess
ME: but other than that just been chilling
HIM: kool
ME: how about u
HIM: i’m doing kool
HIM: had fun yesterday
ME: thats nice
HIM: yeah
ME: hold on
ME: brb
HIM: k
ME: ok back
HIM: kewl
ME: sissies?
HIM: das what i call da beyonce crew
ME: and who are they
HIM: da gay boys who lover her music that they would become her if they could
ME: oh
ME: okay
ME: dont know anybody like that
HIM: a couple in yo frat r like that but das another story
HIM: lol
ME: bye

Overall I was just pretty offended but the last line just set me off. I hold my letters and my brothers in high regard. I know that my people are not perfect. I firmly believe that my fraternity and especially my chapter works well is because we are all different types of men, who have come together to work and fellowship who genuinely like and respect each other. So why some may be somewhat effeminate in their mannerisms, they are also the strongest and bravest MEN I have ever met. So to hear that just flipped a switch in my head and I it came to me.

Recently I’ve been catching more and more of what my friend has said to me; like telling me he spends more time talking to my BF than I do, and how he hangs out with my BF. I believe that if it was anybody else, I would have put their head through a wall but I paid it no mind because is a mutual friend of me and the BF. And I’m not saying that I’m jealous or even suspicious of who my guy is friends with but after several times where I’ve made plans with the BF and only to be stood up so he can hang out with the friend, I’m just not comfortable with the entire situation. Time to re-evaluate the situation…