Who I Am Part 3

Monday, January 17th, 2005
by Tony

This should be fairly brief, since there isn’t much more to me.

I never really came out and said it. My mom asked me question after question: Are you sure that you’re gay? Have you tried being with a girl? It’s okay that you’re gay? Essentially it was something I didn’t want to talk about, talking about sex in general with my parents aways creep me out. This time was no different; I stood in the doorway of her room and for 30 minutes, I didn’t say a thing the focused my attention to the floor. I coped out of coming out. Talking about sex with my dad with no easier. Around the time I was sixteen, we drove out to the Plateau in Fairmount Park. Essentially he wanted to talk about me always being angry and unapproachable. He essentially summed things up by offer to get my a prostitute to release some “stress & tension.” I never looked at him the same way after that.

College is where you learn to be an adult or did someone lie to me. The one thing I mostly learned from college was How To Fuck Up My Future. I always did okay in school, even though I never really applied myself. Unfortunately what I did apply for was credit: Visa, Discover and etcetera. Oddly enough my parents were waiting for me to come to them to learn about money (their own words) instead of showing work to spend and manage. The only way I survive now that I work a lot of work and make then I owe.

So am I still that shy kid from Philly, I honestly can not answer that. I start writing about myself four and half years ago to find out. Looking back I can see the changes that I’ve made as I grew and mature. But ultimately I figure its best for that kinda answer to be left on my eulogy for I’m not done living my life and see all that it has to offer.

I apologize if this seemed kinda rushed, but this was more of an undertaking than I was expecting. Maybe in time I will try this again with better results. Also I would to thank the who took the time and patience to read this.